The Notebook

Episode 1:
(The letter: Aberrations from a dulcet girl)


Some soul mates spend their lives together, while some others are unlucky! Some just happen to stumble on them, while some others keep looking for all their lives.
I had loved him alright, dreaded to even see his face at some point of time and happily fell in love with him head over heels again! Sometimes I felt insecure and died to know if he felt the same.. And at other times, I basked in the glory of being in his arms! I built small castles in my dream bubbles about reigning in his heart’s kingdom just when my nightmares started looming large, hovering across like a blood-thirsty vulture! I fought with it, tried to kill it once and for all, to foolishly discover thousands more waiting in the queue! Surrendering, I paced my steps back to sketch another of my cloudy dream bubble, with a new hope, for a better day. But my conflict remained subdued in my subconscious no matter how much I tried to battle them out.....

I don’t want to sound a weepy dame, alright, but, like you said the other day, am just talking of my innermost fears. They have ruled the last few years of my life.. 
I had never dreamt of a PRINCE CHARMING to come trotting (not literally, though, on a horse I mean) but I definitely wanted a secret keeper and secret sharer in my beloved betrothed. I wanted a BEST FRIEND who would be as crazy as I am, a bit more if not less! How can I afford a DECENT, GENTLE GUY from EARTH? I needed a crazy fellow from MARS! Oh yes, I m a proud resident of VENUS! You bet!

I probably sound childish but I’m afraid to grow up at the cost of my life! May be I sound funny even, but it has been one of my many foolish dreams carved on my dreamscape- I nurtured a wish to be held in the strong arms of a person who would willfully keep my innocence intact. I do all the grown-up things only to come back to that one man always eager to take me the way I am, in my virtues and vices, in my successes and failures, in all my follies; who would know my deepest emotion without me even having to say it. 

But before you scare the hell out of me, let me confirm that this not a matrimony advertisement ;-). All I want to say before I fuss anymore and before you start dozing off, is that I just wanted to make it work, really work, building a real castle(not that gigantic castle, if u might think), not in my dreams anymore but in real life, before death do us apart! Well u can make a flat-stle if you want to; so long there is serenity in it!

Episode 2:

I had written this for a person who had been very special to me once upon a time, and still is, but the interpretation has changed now. How foolish some people can be! Well if not all you ‘educated’, ‘sensible’ and ‘matured’ people out there but I can certainly bet on my foolishness. You might be thinking, “Is she out of her mind? How come she sounds so proud for being foolish?”  Well, the answer is, I am not proud, not exactly, but certainly I laugh at myself, pity myself. 
Yes, PITY is the word. I hated this word once upon a time, abhorred showing this emotion to anyone whatsoever. Irony of fate: it has hit me back like a boomerang.

I have never seen a vulture in real life. Probably won’t be able to recognize it even if it comes in front. But one thing that I know about it is how it feels when it chews on someone’s flesh.

Are you thinking I meant it literally? Well no, it's the other way round.

When you feel the ground beneath your feet and the roof on your head absent, and a naughty mouse or rabbit chewing on your flesh, a leech sucking your blood and a serpent continually nipping your arms and head while you are in empty space, it feels no better, I guess.

I chased the flying castle, tumbling on every stone on my way and finally hurting my head when I fell flat on my back. When I opened my eyes, the ground and the roof were in their allotted places, proudly reigning their kingdom. I was confined within the unwelcoming silence in my jail, once again. Every day seemed to be a stretched long dark night which had no end.

I am a prisoner who is not accused of any crime. 
Then why am I imprisoned? 
Because I have chosen it for myself. 
And why did I choose so? 
For I was blind enough to consider it  ‘home’. 
Why didn’t I leave or run or escape from this prison? 
Since I am blessed by 'well-wishers' who would cry buckets of fat, salty tears and hurt their hearts if they found I am not ‘happy’ as per their understanding of the term. Hence the disguise. 


“Yippy, I have braved the ghosts of one more night, mom!”

I want to collapse, scream and shout out all those exceptional French words which might pacify my exasperation. But are there words enough to metamorphose me into a phlegmatic soul? Others may be creative, but I am a failure in this aspect of ingenuity. 


Episode 3:

It’s a new installment now, a new episode: I don’t need an adhesive anymore nor do I need to uphold a brave face. I don’t lie to my parents any longer, don’t need to- it’s a blessing in disguise. I have learnt to exhaust myself enough by the end of each day to avoid confronting any more ghosts of the dead cold night.

The night is peaceful like a corpse. Inert, meek and docile. I have gained control over its flaccidity, once and for all. The sagging night and its poltergeists have lost their existence now.

They rule me no long.  The manacles of my life are in my hand now. I have triumphed the biggest battle of my life: the war with my deepest qualms.

All are at harmony and I am serene. The flickering stars have returned with their smiles. I smile back in response…